May 31, Saturday,

There are moments, if you are lucky, when you realize things are much bigger than they seem.
Times when you truly realize that your life is not about you at all. Never was, never should have been. And with alot of grace, never will be again.

There is a time when you may realize that the "Thing" you thought was it... was not it at all....
it was just a prelude.... a trial run... a teaser.....

whatever you may want to call it.....

there are still monsters to be slain...

monsters in me and monsters roaming killing, stealing and destroying those that I love, and those that I never met that the one that I love, loves....

for those needing facts and figures, and concrete advancements....

the past 2 weeks have been victorious in some aspects....
udder failures in others.

Transition into food has been mostly raw vegan, or at least vegan.

A fun night with my daughter at all-you-can-eat-sushi hut. And 2 fried eggs, just last night.
Often more than my stomach can handle, which indicates an control problem.

There is still a place of physical healing, that needs to be walked in. That place where your body begins to destroy the disease. 55 days is a start, but disease takes years to establish. I must be patient.

My emotions are still very much wrapped up in food. It still very much has a power over me that threatens me.
It hangs over me, taunting me with my past, my demons.... reminding me how it would love me to return to that dark place.

But the light has been shone.

I thought the fight would be shorter but thats ok.
I have never been good with estimated numbers. So we are looking at a longer period of time.
I still know the result.
I am victorious.

So soon I start. Resowing seed.
I begin to listen and walk on another level.

there is always another level.

there is always further in and further up.

and it is not about me.

This is where I boldly say to all who continue to read.

I belong to the Lord Jesus Christ.

And all He chooses to do with this journey is up to Him. For it is in His strength and His alone that I must walk into this.

There is more.

If your heart ever wonders.
Don't doubt.
there is so much more.

You see it when you close your eyes.
Your daydreams take you there.

The trick is to remove yourself and live for something more.

Then the vision will become more clear.

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