Saturday May 17, Day 55, (me thinks...)

Well, what to say....

Day 55...

I hadn't written for a while. Honestly because, after Mother's Day dinner, I wasn't sure if I wanted or was able to continue.

I spent the next week deciding.

I guess that is decision enough.

Things have been very very lean around here.

No groceries, so no juice.

Tonite we juice it up big time!!

This is the new struggle I walk with.

I have had , in past, unhealthy, co-dependant releationship with with eating.

Everything from compulsive eating, to bulimia, to emotional eating.

Eating has been my comfort, my release and my vent.

Juicing doesnt' fix the spiritual.

It is the time spent during the juice that makes you turn inward and seek.

It is now that I realize how much work I must do.

I have now become an emotional juicer~~

When I'm bored, I juice.
When I'm upset, I juice.
How often I've caught myself banging around my fridge looking for something to "do", something to savor.

Now I begin the task of disciplining my life.

Nourishment is for nourishment
Whether juice or food.

It is not god. It can not take the place of God. It cannot be the one I run to for the answers, strength, and love. Organic, raw or toxic and processed.... neither matters.
It will not love me.
It can not save me.
It does not have my answers.
It is a tool. It has a job. But it cannot be given a place it does not deserve.

I begin the journey to discipline my life.

Not just my eating, but all aspects of my life.

I use to think to be spiritual, one did not have to be disciplined.
The most unspiritual thing in the world was a structured existence, in my eyes.

HA!! How God loves reciprocals!!!
Black on white.

NO! To be open to the spirit, the flesh needs to be submitted.
The only way to submit the flesh is thru constant discipline.
Not to ignore it. It won't go away while I so busily tune my ears to the spirit.
It will lay there in wait.

It must be confined and placed under control.

All I will be will come out of how well I can take this flesh out of the drivers seat.
All that has been placed in my spirit will rise to the top, when the flesh is quieted and obediant.

Can I say NO to such a mighty foe?
No, not on my own strength.

But in Christ, all is possible.

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