Well its not quite midnight, so certainly can't break routine and go to bed YET!! Today started well, but is ending on the cr@pola note.
Maybe rambles will help. One thing I have noticed, when I stretch myself to the point of pooped, stress comes. It all seems frustrating, nothing falls into place well. Stinkin Thinkin starts to swish in my brain and Satan's taunts add fuel to the fire. I don't dare tell you the things I have said to myself tonite. Probably not much different than things you have told yourself. Questions of your worth and value. Declarations of eminent defeat. The white flag already in your hand and the towel, ready to be thrown. Have you been there? Maybe today?
What I have noticed is when I get stressed I want to crumble. And crumbling to me means EATING~~
Eating as much as I possibly can, as fast as I can, till I buldge and burst. Then what I notice is if I eat, and if I don't CHOSE what I know is best for me, a new temptation sneaks in.
Today, I picked at more cooked food then I have in a while.
It made my flesh feel happy at the time.
I chose very little raw veggies and fruit, drank no water, no juice...nothing life giving. Nothing cleansing. Certainly nothing at the level I am used to. Just chemicaled dead food. And what did I feel inside? Dead.. Then what happened next?~ Cravings showed up. Sugar. Carbs. Binging. Purging. Even Liquor. I more aware of their entrance than I had ever been. They paraded on stage like a diva stealing the show. It was all about them! They WANTED TO BE NOTICED!
And they had no intention of being satisfied.
Whats a girl to do? Get back to where you should have been all along.
Kneeling in the throne room. Quiet and submitted.
Feeding on the bread of life will kill any carb craving.
Seeking first the Kingdom, accessing His strength. Reminding myself what He has to say.....
There is value in all of this, eternal value beyond measure. And there is value in me. With me strapped to His yoke, it will all fall into place and it will all succeed.