Saturday, April 5~day 13

Juiced a big cantaloupe with spinach last night.... thru in parsley, and a yam... turned out really nummy.

Really sad & exhausted by the time work was over, yesterday. Wanted to curl up and cry. I let one phone call run amuck in my head, and it was so heavy on my spirit.

But bless my kids they had the house cleaned to perfection when I came home.

Knew enough run a big detox bath, quick enema (still moving stuff after almost 2 weeks) and some prayer time. The day ended all right. Alho sleep never came... stinking thinking was still running marathons with the phone conversation.....
why...when we know better.....

Have an important "meeting" on sunday that has got me unnerved.
Why is it when you have opportunity to believe the worst, you do.

Believing for the best, shouldn't be that hard... thats what "believers" do, but yet that retrobate mind, still wants to wander where it should not.

I have less than 36 hours till this meeting, in between now and then, I will put every ounce I have, ever word I speak, ever thought I muster will be a good result to this.

I will behave as if my prayers are already answered, as if things have fallen into place. I will let that image grow so big in my spirit that I am walking on air all day.

Why not.... Could it be?? Darn tootin....

I think absolutely anything is possible if we align ourselves where we should be.

I refuse to be my own worse enemy anymore.

No one else is going to look out for me but me. Certainly none else is going to do the work for me.
It all falls on my lap.... thankfully I'm sitting right in the middle of a much bigger lap.

Aunt Flo showed up without much a due.
None of the usual munchies or cravings. I completely forgot she was on its way.... very nice...


evening was very very hard.... alot of tears, a lot of heartache..
More bad news today...
what a place to be seemingly so utterly alone.
Who stands by me? I'm looking but I'm seeing no one.
Who'll carry this just for a while? Utterly no one.

HELLOOOO???? Echo.............echo.................echo........

The last thing I want is to fast. No, I want to indulge. I want to sedate. I want to make it all go away. So far away. If I could just undo time, my choices and me.
How I regret me.

But this fast/feast is not only a body cleanse, but a spiritual cleanse.
I think I need to see this, to feel this. To realize it is just me.

Peace came with these words from my hero, Smith Wigglesworth:

Never be afraid of anything. There are only two things in this world; one is fear, the other is faith. One belongs to the devil. The other to God.

And Jo belongs to God. She is never utterly alone. And if God is for her, who can be against her.

Alot of pain in my left (bad) knee tonite. The detox is pulling and healing.

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