Well, week two

No other way to put it. I struggled thru it all. My attitude, my focus.
It was so cold here, all I could do was to curl up in a ball.

I got behind on my sitz baths, which should be done consistently in order to see any effect.
I went back to drinking some coffee, waking a horrible beast, telling myself...
tommorrow, tomorrow...

My attitude with the kids stunk.
They could do nothing right.
I was miserable and grumpy, all the more wanting to wallow myself if a big bowl of something gooey with a big glass of red.
No.... make that a whole bottle of red....

My studying time...nil
My devotional time....nadda
My writing time... na uh

And now I feel the pressure. I feel the defeat. I have lost sooo much time.
I realize that BF is back in 14 short days and then the wining and dining will begin again.
I fall dramatically across my bed, like a forlorn damsel...
How ever will I stand then? Will I ever see victory?

The monsters yell in my ear. HOLY HANNAH!!!!
are those things still alive?
I must punish myself. I can cheat my way around this.
Just binge Jo.

How oh How!!! Swirly whirly goes the head..... ummm, just like a toxic, pasturized cow pus, artificially colored, flavored, preserved, swirly ice cream cone......

now... xhale.......
deep breathing.....

some where in there... Holy Ghost met me....
grace came flooding......

I xhaled..

This week I made decisions... do I want this? YES!!
Am I still able.... YES!!!

Do I need to grasp the concept that this is a journey I will need to walk when BF comes home, and not make him my xcuse for my food choices..... (weakly... yes)

Do I see now, that my enemy roams like a roaring lion looking to devour me, and I must always be watchful.

Am i even more strengthened to love on others when they wrestle with their defeat and monsters...


Do I really realize that it all starts with submitting myself quietly day in and day out, moment by moment, to the peace and strength of Christ because in and of myself I can do nothing....

YES.......and YES.......

So in the grand scheme of things,
Whats the Verdict for Week 2??

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